22 February 2011

One of the questions my doctor always asks me when I visit him

Is if I've experienced any heart palpitations. I've always thought I knew what that meant, and I always told him "no." Now that I've finally taken the time to look it up, the answer is yes. And lately, very often.
Go figure.

10 February 2011

Grad School Decisions are coming in.

And I've gotten two so far. Lehigh in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and University of Rochester in um... Rochester. Lehigh has already told me they're ready to pay me $24000 a year to TA with them for the first year. It's a lot of money. $2000 a month, precisely. I never dreamed of making that much money a month in my life. It's great. I'm not committing to anything yet, by any means. I just think it's nice to have the future look so good already. As it stands right now, I'm very low on money, and I have to buy an oil change for my car, pay off my vet bill, pay off the debt to my mom, save for my Japan trip, buy a passport for said trip, and keep up moneys for grosseries and rattie stuff. It's hard. I'm getting through it, very well, I think. It feels like things are really looking up for me, and that's really wonderful. I wake up nearly every day wondering what's next to learn and explore. The other days, I wake up with headaches. I still have my moments. I'm still antisocial. I still scowl when I'm told to work in groups and say nearly nothing. But I think I'm getting better, a little bit. I'm still sick, I imagine. I may never be fully better. But mostly better is better than nothing.
I'm hoping I get into either U-Wisconsin-Madison or Pitt. Or both? They're such good schools for chemistry. It makes me think "If I get into those schools, I could do amazing things." Right now, in research, I already am. I didn't realize it until, last semester, I read my final paper out to my dad (since I finished it at his house), and he gaped at me. I knew he didn't understand the jargon, but he understood that I had actually done something. Something he couldn't wrap his head around all the way. Something that could change things. He said "Pichi, when did you get to be so awesome?" I didn't know what to say. Part of me said "I don't know." Part of me wanted to joke: "I've been awesome!" Part of me wanted to say "I'm not awesome. There's research going on that I have no ability to understand, stuff that's beyond me, stuff that I really want to do someday!" Still, it made me smile. I don't think my dad has ever called me "awesome."
Possum has another tumour. It's growing under her right front paw (that's from tickling perspective). I know she's too old to make it through another surgery. I know that they would probably have to take the arm anyway, and she wouldn't be able to hold food, and therefore eat well. I also know that she and Cinder and nearly 2 years old. It's not cancer -- it's squishy, indicating another mammary tumour. But it might ulcerate and get infected. There's no way to know. I'm going to just keep going with life as normal. She deserves to stay happy. She's a wonderful, loving rat. I can't do the surgery. Not just because I can't afford it (I still owe $565 from the previous one). Like I said, she won't survive. I can't let her die under anesthetic, not being with mommy, being unaware of how much I love her, being unable to let me hold her until the end. It would be fair to her.
On the contrary, Cinder is insanely healthy for her age. Never a tumour or sickness or anything. Still scared of everything. Even mommy sometimes. Maybe she'll outlast me. Wouldn't that be something?
Bielle, my albino baby cutie, is growing so fast. She started out smaller than the palm of my hand when I got her, at four weeks old. Now, at about three months, she's huge. Longer than my whole hand. She's so funny. She runs and fights hands and cleans a lot. She did have a respiratory infection a week before I adopted her, though. It scarred her system, and now she has these sneezing fits. There's nothing that can be done about them, I think. She's still very healthy, though. She eats a lot and plays and everything else. The big kids don't like her at all. Possum tried to murder her once, so Bielle has to stay in a cage by herself. It's kind of smallish, big enough for her for now, but once I move out of here for good, I'll switch the cages. I got a big, two-floored one from Jamie. Bielle is also going to need a cagemate. Right now, she's super-mommy bonded: she doesn't like to sit with other people much, except my brother. So she needs a friend. I'll find one for her when I switch the cages.
I think there's something wrong with my stomach again. Eating food is starting to make me feel sick, nearly every time. It's not good. That's happened before, and I got really really sick. I hope it doesn't happen again.
I have nothing more to say. So here's some photos:

I went to a show in Albany on January 29. Foxy Shazam, Circa Survive, and Anberlin played. Here I am with the bassist and Keyboardist from Foxy Shazam. This is the only photo I have from the show.
Meet Bielle, my three month old albino cutie. She likes to sleep on the water bottle in the cage. She does fall off sometimes.

Bielle likes to run around the bed like a mad person. She pops in and out of things, fights you, licks your boo-boos away and runs away again. This is the best description I have for the kind of movement she does.

The only reason they stayed still long enough for this is because it was dried papaya treat time.