Falling apart

I'm having a lot of trouble lately.
I keep getting distracted from my homework. I'm starting to do things at the last minute again. I'm getting frustrated with customers who call and say "I just unzipped this file that has a program in it, but I can't find it," and I have to remind them that it's probably in the programs folder, and that's a good place to check fairly often. It bothers me that I get so many calls about people forgetting their passwords.
I totally freaking messed up my Dante quiz on Monday because I didn't study as well for it Sunday evening.
I thought I did really well on my Organic exam. In real life, I got an 84. Most of those points came from the Part II short answer questions, because I only missed one of out 40 there. All the points were taken from the multiple choice questions because I can't remember things.
I freaking failed my stupid Calculus exam with a 2.4/4.0. And he wants us to correct it for a quiz grade.
I feel lonely all the freaking time.
I feel like I have no time to do anything, but I still say "Let's go to Wegmans for two hours," because it's way more enjoyable than homework.
My dad is being a total jerk about my brother's grades.
I had a really terrible dream about my brother. One of the ones that make me cry and feel lonely when I wake up.
I hate stupid lab, even though that's probably the class I'm doing the best in.
I can't pay attention in philosophy, even when I don't screw around with my iPod the whole time, because then I just start doodling all over the place.
I'm uncomfortable all the time. My skin is dry, my muscles hurt, and every single position that I sit, lay or stand in is uncomfortable.
I have terrible self-esteem issues.
I feel like a failure and a disappointment to everyone, including myself.
I'm having panic attacks... pretty much every day. At least one, sometimes more. Same thing goes for crying.
My legs feel weak when I'm walking. Which means I'm insane, I'm sick, or there's so much crap in my blood vessels that I'm barely circulating blood anymore.

Good things in the past week:
Saw Bill on both Saturday and Sunday, both under unusual but pleasant circumstances.
Erin is having her baby next month.

Ever have those moments where it feels like every step you make is being carefully scrutinized, so you try to walk slowly, perfectly, so much so that you screw up more than you normally do?

More steric hindrance than your tetramethyl compound has room for!

Well, spring break has come and gone, and I feel like I should have a lot to say, but I guess I don't really. I'll try to think of things as I go along.

Both stars on my earrings broke. I guess I'm never buying earrings from Hot Topic again.
I went to Saugerties with my mom and bought her lunch. I promised her I would for her birthday. She then decided it was my birthday, and gave me earrings.
I made cookies and corn muffins.
I might have done pretty well on my organic exam.
Friendly's tonight.
I am really excited to play Guitar Hero in the Mary's basement tonight.
I don't feel like doing work at all.
I made brontosaurus and mario star mini toys. It was a lot of sewing, but it was fun.
Sometimes just before the break, Stephanie decided she wanted to talk to me again. She seems to be doing well, and there's no way I was just going to say "no" and abandon her. I can't abandon anyone again. It was nice to talk to her and see her again. Even if I was mad at her, I'm still her friend, and I'll still be there for her if she needs me to be. She seemed really happy, and that's the only thing I could have wished for.
Watched The Last House On The Left with my brother, chibi and Steph. It was pretty good. Well shot, and pretty well written, so I was satisfied.
I ate a lot of vegetables over break. My dad got mushrooms, broccoli, zucchini and green beans, and I sauteed them. It was lots of delicious.
I got to see Bill yesterday, and that was really nice. We ended up sleeping in my bed trying to decide if we should get coffee and ice cream for the movie. It was kind of a difficult process.
Went to Emily and Renee's house and did homework and hung out. Had some of Catherine's yummy homemade wheat bread.
Went bowling with my brother and beat him in two games.
I'm excited for the sleepover I'm having with Lisa tonight!

That's all that I can think of I guess.

I made a hat!