I guess that means I seriously need to reevaluate my thoughts, and how I'm handling things in life. Although the first step is really to figure out what the crap is bothering me so much.
I keep having this overwhelming sense of loneliness, even when I'm around people. It's like... I'm sitting in the background watching people talk and laugh and hug, and I just can't get in. Or shouldn't. I don't even know.
I took an organic exam yesterday. I studied for two or three days straight for it [I don't really remember..], and it was really hard, because there were a lot of reactions to remember. I had to remember Friedel-Crafts acylation, and what the Tollens reagent is [Silver oxide, I think], and which reactions are proton transfers, and which nitrogen-based nucleophile yields an imine versus an enamine... Just so much. And when I study, I feel like I can't remember anything just moments afterwards. I'll read over, like, the reaction mechanism for acetals and hemiacetals, and stop and try to go through them in my head again, and I can't remember anything. It's scary. It makes me wonder how I remember anything for the exam. Somehow, I do.
Anyway, the exam seemed kind of easy. I even finished early enough to be able to look through all my answers again and redid some of them. I'm thinking another 80something for this one. I don't know what I'd do if I got a 90 on an exam for that class. Die, maybe. Or just cry. Or think Mullins just felt really bad for me and raised my grade.
Oh, the Dante quiz I thought I messed up really bad... I actually got a 91 on. ...so yeah.
Took an exam in Dante on Wednesday. I'm kind of worried about my essay answers, because it felt like I was just rambling about stuff that may have been irrelevant, but who knows? He grades pretty quickly, so I'll know probably by Monday.
Also, I finally got my philosophy midterm back, and it only served to affirm that I don't have to pay attention in the class pretty much at all. I got a 95, and I spent most of the time of the beginning part of that class playing on my iPod and doodling. So.. that class is crap.
When I was studying for my organic exam on Thursday, I suddenly got ideas for a story, and wrote them down in a notebook. I've started working out a profile for my characters, something Linda suggested to the class to "get to know your character better." I'm hoping that by doing this, my story won't suck that much.
There are some good things, lately. I cut my hair, but I guess that was mostly because I went insane and decided it was too long and couldn't wait until I went to my dad's to have it cut. Also, I got my ear pierced. It was kind of scary, but it's doing fine now. It hurts a little sometimes, but it hasn't started draining yet, although when it decides to do so, I'm sure it'll do it with a vengeance.
I got to see Bill over the weekend, and then again for a day during the week, so that was really fun and delicious. It's so nice to sleep with him and cuddle and stuff. It just makes me so happy.
My brother is coming to visit in a couple of weeks, so that's pretty exciting. He's going to come for a few days during his spring break and I'm going to bring him back with me and Lisa when we go to my dad's for my birthday.
The Boston trip is also coming up next week, and that's going to be pretty fun. I'm pretty excited about going to museums and art galleries and coffee shops and food and all over the place.
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